The Hateful Kashyap - part III

Part-3 – the epilogue

From the day we reached Pune and the shoot was scheduled in next 3 days we were working with a very much constrained budget. And the budget as small as 20k was finalized because Rugved, my cousin and the music director of the film, would cook food for all of us and for all the meals. Right from the breakfast, the lunch the evening snacks and to the dinner of the whole crew…it was Rugved who was feeding us. Walking in the kitchen right when he used to get up till the final rinsing of utensils at night before he slept, Rugved managed to take rest for only a few hours in the daytime.

Working with such a dedication and the helpful nature it was also very difficult for him to digest the fact that we had called off the shoot. He had done everything that he was supposed to do, in fact a little more than the need. Keeping aside his ego, his self-respect and the stature at what he works in his home town he was all in for any kind of work just for me, just so that I could work without pressure. Even at such a time, half an hour after the final pack up, when we went back home and Rugved made coffee for all of us. The taste was amazing but his combined efforts of all the days in that one last coffee were so much that it was hard for me to consume it and even harder to keep the cup aside.

Even after everyone left the sets and went back to Mumbai, I stayed back there for three more days for a reason that, I was too ashamed to face my parents and I wanted to spend time with myself to think over what exactly went wrong. My dad called me and very softly he said that he is proud of me that I dared to take such a risk of making a big short-film…he said that he is not disappointed and not angry coz of the financial loss either…all he wanted was me to be back home in Mumbai. Sakhi was a great support when I was a loner. Spending a few hours talking with her would give me some hope.

A very close friend called Rupal Nand was also keen in keeping me out of my ‘very upset’ stage by taking me to movies or coming along to the breakfast and sometimes getting me tiffin so that I don’t skip my lunch.

Coming back I kept the Being Kashyap topic away for a month. It could only stay away from discussions but it couldn’t go away from my mind. Finally I prepared a rough budget…what if I made the film just as I imagined it before…with the Rs. 70,000 budget.

With that budget in mind and on paper, I started finding producers. I had a couple of short-films that I had already made to convince them that I do complete the projects. Words were spread to Sakhi and Rajdeep to find the producers – the one who they think might be ready to help us. After a month long search I met Abhay Shevde through my Uncle. Abhay Shevde had produced a compilation of short films called Bioscope. He was my hope.

Almost thrice a month I used to discuss him about Being Kashyap and he used to give me hopes and words. After persisting for 3 long months of June, July and August, he finally asked for the budget and distribution plans. I prepared a distribution plan but what possibly could be a plan for distribution for a short film? Festivals, screenings, Dvds…that’s it. What else? If there was any I was unaware of it.

Abhay Shevde was supported by a friend called Vinay Joshi who called me to give a short narration and explain the plans. “The amount is quite small, there won’t be any problem getting this budget.” that’s what Abhay Shevde had told me. I gave the narration and explained the plans of festivals, they promised to talk after the Ganpati Festival.

Finally, on September 9^th2014, Abhay Shevde told me that they are not interested in Being Kashyap.

I was also searching for other options but everyone was only ready to finance if the returns were guaranteed and that’s exactly what we didn’t have.

Ultimately…I started to get a feeling that this film is not meant to happen now. Of course for me to get at this though, it was a slow process and took quite a time. The impact of failure at every step was so much that my mind had blocked itself. I was not able to come up with any new concept, no new script written after December 2013. No new story developed. No new nothing. I wasted my 9 months being Kashyap, and even then I couldn’t be one. By the end of everything I almost started hating this film. I started to think that maybe the people whom I read this script were just praising it for the sake of praising. Maybe the script is not that good. Maybe it’s very very ordinary for a producer to put in money. Maybe…it’s is not a good idea to make this film at all.

I was dreadfully torn between two worlds of, ‘If you want it you have to go n get it’ and ‘if it’s meant to happen it will surely happen’. The feeling of being unwanted and ignored sucked. Then I heard it somewhere…if you have a very strong inner desire, a wish that you want to be fulfilled, then, you shouldn’t hold the wish too tight with you…instead you should let it out in the universe; and the universe will do its job of making it come true.

This blog, The Hateful Kashyap, is what I call ‘just cannot let it go’ impact. I decided to let Being Kashyap go. It will happen when it wants itself to happen. And I just hoped that it will be done by ME.

All I am doing now is waiting for Universe to do its job. The moment universe plans to do it…I am ready.

I am ready with my shoes on, I am ready with the posters of Satya, Taxi Driver, Inglorious Bastards, Fuh se Phantom, Django Unchained, Pulp Fiction and 34 other like these, I am ready with all the actors and crew on my speed dial, I am ready with the paper work…I am ready for the Being Kashyap.

And In all of this…what I exponentially learnt is, if I want to reach the heights at which I have seen myself…that Being Shoneel is going to be very difficult for me. And Being Shoneel is what I would always want to be. And inspite of many failures, I will be one.        

The End